We are all products of our experiences whether good or bad. They shape who we are and the lens through which we see and process things around us. Our prospective is our reality. When our prospective becomes skewed by traumatic experiences, unknowingly we see the world and ourselves through a broken mirror and can often become our own worst enemy.
Growing up I was always feminine with a rough edge, an attitude and a reckless mouth but never realized I was damaged. From a child I was robbed of my innocence and I was angry and hurting. My love for music gave me an outlet to express myself as a teenager but in the end, I was exploited on that front as well. When going through the chapters of my book, there were times I found it hard to believe that the woman I was reading about was me. I was able to see her weakness and vulnerability and her vicious cycle of abuse in relationships. Then, self-examination forced me to come to grips with the fact that I was that woman. A low self-image, stemming from physical and emotional abandonment had me looking for love in all the wrong places, not understanding that true love starts within. I was not living at all but merely existing in a state of denial, mistaking abuse for love.
Self-reflection made me come to the realization that I was not truly happy. Living to please everyone else around me, I had lost myself. I wanted to find me, I needed to find me. Writing has always been therapeutic since childhood and the process of writing this book was probably the most beneficial experience I have ever had. There were things that happened in my life that I completely blocked out of my mind, yet they resonated like cancer in my spirit. The memories rehashed were painful at times, yet through the pain came healing. The walls that I put up in order to coupe with this thing called life were slowly coming down with the reading and editing of each chapter. I found freedom in the pages, I found healing in the pages, I found my true beauty and worth in the pages but more importantly in the end, I found the essence of myself. For the first time in my life, I can honestly say I am truly happy and I love me.
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